Entries Tagged as 'quarter-life crisis'

>> I’m going home…and I’m scared >>

17May

I’m going home next week for the first time in more than a year and the entire thing kind of scares me.

I want to go home.  It’s time.  I need it.  I want to see my family and friends and eat cheese and Mexican food and bake and sleep in my bed and see Mt. Rainier and go out to happy hour with friends and not sweat constantly or be eaten alive by mosquitoes.  I need and want all of that.  But it’s not as simple as just being able  to look forward to catching up with people and eating the foods I’ve missed.

The thing is, I don’t know if I’m coming back to Thailand, or assuming I do, when that would be.  Which is problematic considering a) I love it and b) I have someone.  Oops.

When I first made the move to Southeast Asia, I bought a one-way ticket without a second thought.  This time, buying another one-way ticket home, was difficult.  While originally I was also full of doubt, questions and uneasiness, there was also a lot of excitement, anticipation and readiness to go.  I was ready for something different, for a new adventure and to be on my own.  Now, I have different doubts and questions, along with a really unwelcome feeling of indecisiveness and being lost.

Buddha in Autthaya, Thailand

In the beginning I thought traveling and living abroad would help point me in the right direction of where I want to be and what I want to be doing with my life.  Ultimately, I think it will…but at the moment I feel more directionless than I did to begin with.  That wasn’t supposed to happen…

I’ll be leaving Thailand exactly two years after I originally arrived.  During that time I’ve become TEFL-certified and taught English in a variety of Thai schools, backpacked through India, Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos, lived on my own, learned to ride a motorbike, (tried to) learn a new language, got familiar with visa runs and my passport number, fought constantly with mosquitoes and cockroaches, made several friends and saw many of them come and go, showed family and friends from home my new, adopted home.  I’ve gotten used to squat toilets, cold showers, eating rice for breakfast, never wearing a seat belt, riding a motorbike in the rain, nothing being on time and drinking beer with ice.  While those will be easy to get used to not having or doing, there are other things that I think have changed me more and will take more time to adjust to.

Food Stalls in Chiang Mai

Like the price of food…

My concept and perception of money is completely screwed up.  Spending a couple dollars on a full meal is normal and a glass of wine is a splurge.  I can get my motorbike serviced and washed for less than half of what a tank of gas will cost at home.  My way of driving has completely changed – from driving on the left-side of the road, swerving in between traffic and not thinking twice about driving up the side of the road the wrong way – what will I feel like behind the wheel of a car in America?

I’m also (more) used to a completely different set of customs, social rules and behaviors.  I’ve been surrounded by Buddhism instead of Christianity, holding your tongue instead of spouting off, and being patient no matter what the situation.

What’s going to happen when I get home?  And what am I going to do next?

 

 

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>> 5 Tips for Expat Living >>

14May

After two years of living abroad, there are a few things that have come up and again that make life and settling down in a foreign place a little easier.

5 Tips for Expat Living

Be patient

Things will go wrong, you won’t understand what’s happening around you and will get frustrated, but if you’re patient everything ends up working itself out.

Ask for help

Chances are there are plenty of expats who have been in your position before with the same questions, problems or frustrations.  There are a ton of Facebook Groups made up of expats living in Chiang Mai where people post everything from questions and concerns, to new apartments and special event information.  If you ask for help, you’ll probably get it and save yourself some headache for trying to figure things out on your own.

Learn the language

I’m still shocked about the number of people who live here who can barely even order food.  It’s embarrassing.  Even if you don’t have to use the native language to get by, still try.  You’re choosing to live in the country, and a country’s language and culture are completely intertwined.  Knowing how to speak and read the language around will open up your world and understanding of the place.

Limit your tie with ‘home’

It’s important to keep in touch with people and happenings back at home, but if you spend too much time trying to stay connected you’ll miss out on your current life.

Make local connections

It sounds obvious, but isn’t always simple to do.  However, the sooner you’re able to make connections and build relationships with those in your new community the better.  Having someone to turn to who knows the area better than you is invaluable.

These tips are from an interview I did for Expats Blog, read more here.

 

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>> The Day to Day >>

27Mar

When you get wrapped up in schedules, work and errands it’s easy to forget that you should be paying attention, and appreciating, the day to day activities, habits or routines.  I do really well keeping a journal or notes of my travels – I feel like I see and do so many new things each day and want to somehow document them to remember and look back upon.  While I’m traveling the feeling that I’m fully experiencing life is at it’s highest, yet when settled in one spot for longer than a couple weeks, I tend to stop taking note of how I’m spending my time.  I’m doing similar things day in and day out and there’s less novelty, less urgency, to write it down or feel like it’s a once in lifetime experience.

Ta Prohm, Angkor, Cambodia

Visiting Ta Prohm temple in Angkor, Cambodia

But it is.

Even if you’re doing the same thing for the hundredth time, there’s something unique and special about that moment.  And, looking back, wouldn’t you rather remember the details about what you spent most of your time doing rather than just the ‘big’ events?

I’ve always enjoyed history – learning how things were in the past, what places looked like and how people lived.  Looking at old photos, I think it’s more interesting to see the spontaneous, unintentional shots with random details you normally wouldn’t think of to document in many posed pictures.  The old car in the background, the 60s-style wallpaper, the previous forms of tools, appliances and electronics.  This is what people used and looked at and interacted with everyday.

Samlors in Chiang Mai

Samlors in Chiang Mai

This was their life.  Not just a high school dance portrait or getting dressed up on Easter Sunday.

Of course, when you travel you want to see the big sites, the attractions and activities that are known around the world.  And those are important.  It’s incredible to see something in real life that you’ve always only heard about or seen pictures of.  The Eiffel Tower, a red double-decker bus, an exotic jungle temple.  Even if the reality doesn’t meet your expectations, there’s still a moment when you think, “This is it“- and that’s special.

Parliament in London

Parliament and Big Ben in London

But I’m even more interested in the things you don’t initially think out or set out to go find.

I don’t mind long bus or train rides traveling, even during the day, because I can just watch the world around me and pick up clues as to how the people there live their lives.  Especially in Southeast Asia, where so much of life is lived outdoors or less private (many shops also double as people’s homes, everyone eats outdoors year round because of the warm weather), you can see a lot just riding through.  You notice families sitting on the floor watching television and eating dinner, walking their motorbikes inside the front door for the night, sitting in groups outside with a bottle of whiskey and short glasses of ice and soda.

Thai Street Food

Getting ready for dinner in Thailand

When you live in a place different from home you pick up on so many details and ways of doing things that are different from where you came from.  I would never think twice about what the bus tickets look like in Seattle, but here I’ve kept tickets from all my trips.  Even the mundane errands, like going to the dentist or getting your oil changed, are opportunities to learn more and see a different side of where I’m living.  I’m not just going through the motions because everything is still new and different even if just in some minor way.

Loaded Motorbike, Thailand

Running errands = normal…carrying everything back home balance on your motorbike = new

Though I’m more aware of these little daily occurrences while they’re happening, I still don’t do anything to document them.  I already know these are the things I’ll want to remember, and yet the ones that I will probably forget the quickest.  Funny how that works.

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>> Explore. Dream. Discover. >>

08Feb

Lately I’ve been having people ask me how I made the decision to leave home.  It wasn’t easy, and a lot of thought and planning went into it, but the turning point came when I stumbled upon this quote.  Cliche?  Maybe.  But I scribbled it down in my planner and kept returning to the phrase as it got closer to finalizing my plans and making a move.

Clouds over Bangkok

                              “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do

          than by the ones you did do.

                                               So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor.

                                 Catch the trade winds in your sails.

                                                                           Explore. Dream. Discover.”

                                                                                                                                                       – Mark Twain

Ta Prom in Angkor. Cambodia

It was the first sentence that really stuck with me -now it’s been two years since seeing the quote and I’ve been living and traveling abroad for more than a year and a half.  Now I don’t regret the decisions I have made, but believe that eventually I would have if I had never made the jump.

What has influenced your decision to make a big change or move?

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>> In case you didn’t know, it’s 2013 >>

24Jan

I hate saying it, but I felt kind of apathetic about the New Year.  I didn’t even hear the countdown to midnight though I was in the center of it all in Chiang Mai – one moment I knew it was getting close to 12:00 and the next moment fireworks were going off – but I DIDN’T HEAR THE COUNTDOWN.  Does it count if you don’t hear the countdown?  It didn’t feel like it…

New Year's Eve 2013, Chiang Mai

Here it is, already the end of January, and I still couldn’t tell you a set plan, resolution or direction for 2013.  I don’t need things completely laid out, but it would be nice to have a little more clarity on what I will be spending this year doing.

I didn’t start Paper Planes to be another travel guide posting about the best spots and must-see attractions and can’t-be-missed activities.  I’m not always on the move and often don’t care too much about getting off the beaten path.

There are plenty of other blogs, resources, guide books, review sites, booking sites and travelers out there that have probably already said it all and can do it much better than I.  I’ve traveled a decent a bit, in a range of ways (and comfort), and have a good sense about things, but I’m not attempting to be your go-to guide for all things travel.  Personally, I hate all the hyperbole and don’t have the time to to study things to the point where I can offer a ‘guide’.  I usually don’t plan and research my trips extensively and therefore sometimes the posts on here may be a little haphazard as well – but real.

While I love sharing about traveling and living abroad, I also feel like this whole bloggy thing is an experiment in helping me figure out which direction(s) to go in my life and connect with others who are in similar situations.  I love learning about different people, cultures and lifestyles – but I also appreciate hearing about people just like me who I can identify, empathize and learn with.  It’s always reassuring to know someone else is having the same doubts, questions, problems, triumphs and experiences as you…especially when you’re trying to grow up and get your life in order (which I’m starting to realize is a never ending process).

What do I want to do?  Where do I want to be?  What do I want my life to be like?  What do I have control over and what do I have to accept?  These questions will stick with you throughout your life, but I think they’re especially prevalent in your 20s when, for the first time since kindergarten, you don’t have a set path laid out in front of you.  That takes some time getting used to and figuring out.

I left home because I didn’t want to wake up 2, 5, 10 years down the line and realize I was in the exact same spot I had been in after college.

Street art in Penang, Malaysia

You don’t need to leave home to find yourself, but for me that’s how I wanted to try going about things.  If I thought I could grow and create the wide range of experiences I’ve had while living abroad at home, I would be in the States now.  But I’m here.  And trying to work things out on my own terms.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that past few weeks have been spent thinking a lot about what I am doing, why I am blogging and what I want to be working toward…and I’m finally ready to refocus my intentions and get this year started.

Hopefully with a trip to the beach sometime in the near future…this is a travel blog after all.

 

If you’re in the same boat as me, you may want to check out these other travelers and writers who are also figuring out life one place at a time:

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>> The Honeymoon’s Over >>

03Jan

I first visited Thailand more than three years ago for a quick trip.  Before those two weeks were even up, I already knew that I wanted to return and spend more time soaking up this country.  It felt so alive – dirty and beautiful – somewhere that felt completely new to me but where I could be completely comfortable at the same time.  The delicious, cheap food didn’t hurt either.

Mae Rim

When I left home and moved to Chiang Mai I thought it would be a good place to start traveling through SE Asia.  I didn’t think I’d still be living here 16 months later.  But I loved it.  Not everything was great, but the good, new and interesting far outweighed the frustrations, work challenges and mosquito bites.

But now things have…shifted.  I still love it – I always will – but while I used to feel like I was growing, learning and seeing everything around me with fresh eyes, I’m now starting to feel a little too settled, familiar and less appreciative of everything around me.  Minor things have started to bother me – like having to pay ‘foreigner fees’ for certain places, making small social or cultural errors, and trying to dodge the tourists slowly meandering down the middle of the street.

I’m getting closer to the point where I feel like Chiang Mai, and Thailand, have given me almost all they can…for now.  I’ve tried most of the foods, I’ve been to the temples literally hundreds of times, I’m sick of the constant mosquito bites and people calling me a farang.

Wat Phra Singh in Chiang Mai

I truly will never get sick of the temples though…Wat Phra Singh in Chiang Mai

The honeymoon’s over.

But that doesn’t mean I’m desperate to leave.  It’s more complicated than that.  In the time that I’ve been here I’ve collected experiences, relationships and attachments (mainly a strong penchant for sticky rice, sweetened condensed milk and navigating Thai traffic…) that I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of yet.  Chiang Mai has a way of kind of sucking you in…it’s very easy to be comfortable and content here.  And the weather is just about perfect.

So what to do?

How do you know when it’s time to call it quits and move on when you know you’ll be leaving part of yourself behind?  Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Chiang Mai from Doi Suthep

View of Chiang Mai taken from Doi Suthep

 

 

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>> Why I’m Not Going Home Yet >>

09Nov

When I first came to Thailand I thought I might be gone for about a year – teach a little bit and travel around SE Asia, then head to Australia and New Zealand, and ideally make my way home via Europe.  That was in May 2011.

Instead, I haven’t even managed to get out of SE Asia (wait, does India count?).  And I still want to see all those other places.

Chiang Mai Mailbox

I even have a mailbox

What it comes down to though isn’t about checking places off my list or adding stamps to my passport.  The real reason is that, even though I have now lived in Chiang Mai for more than a year, I still do/see/learn/eat/realize/experience something new everyday.

Everyday.

And that’s what’s keeping me here, for now.  Yes, you can learn, do or see something new everyday at home, but it’s more difficult.  You do the commute to and from work without actually being aware of what you’re doing.  You get used to your surroundings/routines/habits/expectations.  And that’s not a bad thing – it just makes it more difficult to recognize the new and experience something different.

I know the time will come when I want more stability, predictability and a home that feels like I’ll be staying there for a while.  But for now, I love the fact that I can still walk down the street and notice something new, learn something about where I am or appreciate something so little as realizing there’s a papaya tree in my back yard.  It’s the little things that make me stop and think or stick in my mind more than the big ones like, say, going on holiday to a new island or zip lining for the first time.

Ziplining in Chiang Mai

I hope that by the time I do go home or settle down in a place, I will be able to remember not to get too caught up in the familiar and still actively seek out or notice new things all around me.

What keeps you traveling?  Or how do you find new things to excite you at home?

Thai banner

 

 

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>> Why, hello >>

04Nov

I did it.

plane over bangkok

I started my own blog.

I have mixed feelings about this, and blogs in general to be quite honest, but here I am.

If you’ve been following me at Wanderlust and Lipstick, you already know that I’m originally from Seattle but have been living and traveling around Southeast for the past year and a half.  To learn more about why I made that move check this out, but otherwise, let’s move forward.

Being in my mid-twenties – and part of the difficult-to-please Generation Y – I’m working on figuring out where it is I’m supposed

to be and what it is that I’m supposed to do with my life.  While I was fortunate to have a good job and life back in the PNW, I knew I wanted to see something different and learn from other places and people.  I never want to wake up one day 5, 10, 20 years down the line, look around at my life and wonder, ‘This is it?  How did I end up here?’.  So, instead, I’m Eat, Pray, Love-ing it before the divorce and midlife crisis.

Since my first plane trip at two-weeks old, I’ve traveled throughout America, Europe, India and Southeast Asia, living and working in Seattle, London and Chiang Mai.  Over the past year and a half I’ve survived teaching English as a foreign language, seen new friends come and go, been in in a Chinese movie, backpacked for two months on my own and one with a guy I barely knew, fought with massive Thai cockroaches, been in a motorbike crash, gotten used to fish- and seaweed-flavored snacks, learned to drink beer with ice in it, felt completely alone and also massively taken care of, can eat chilies like a pro met some incredibly generous people,  learned am learning Thai, wondered at ancient temples and everyday shrines and managed to create a little life and community of my own in Northern Thailand.

So, there you have it.  Thanks for coming.  Check back here often for travel tips, , successes and mistakes as I try to figure out what makes me tick and where to travel to next.  Also, as I deal with managing this blog and all the technical stuff, please be patient with me – it’s my first time.

Wooden Walkway in Laos

Take a look around to learn more about me and Paper Planes here or how to contact/like/pin/follow/all around stalk me here.

“Live, travel, adventure, bless and don’t be sorry.”  — Jack Kerouac

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